


Ten Fingers

by epochryphal, mxfictiondaydreamer



Series: Kink la Crack [1]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fetish, Fluff and Crack, Food, Gen, Gross, Humor, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2267487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epochryphal/pseuds/epochryphal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxfictiondaydreamer/pseuds/mxfictiondaydreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Food?<br/>Utensils?<br/>...Life fibers?</p><p>Nothing is off-limits as Mako and the Elite Four explore each others' perverted habits. TMI TIME.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Fingers

It was a lazy Sunday morning in the Elite Four lounge and all was quiet, but not for long. Satsuki and Ryuko were out of town celebrating Ragyo’s defeat, leaving the Elite Four with unprecedented amounts of freedom. 

Nonon had been up before everyone else, making her famous cinnamon rolls in the adjacent kitchen. What an overachiever.

She popped the finished dough rolls in the oven and set the timer, a tiny plastic pig in human clothing, for 25 minutes. She stared at the picture of Satsuki frowning majestically in her uniform. Gamagoori had hung it above their kitchen sink as a reminder to keep the kitchen clean. It worked; Nonon cleaned up every bit of the spilled cinnamon, making sure not to get any on her pink silk nightie and the fluffy white bathrobe that she thought made her look menacing. 

A beam of bright morning light came through each window, one illuminating the spotless Elite Four kitchen, the other hitting the back of the oversized gray L-shaped couch.

Gamagoori and Mako were sitting on that couch together, still in their matching blue striped pajamas, which were 10 sizes apart. Mako was talking about the banquet she wanted for her birthday, listing all of her favorite foods, and Gamagoori was gently brushing her hair. 

Nonon glanced at her friends, then checked her iPhone for a split second and sighed over the counter.

"…a great big daifuku, a dai-dai-DAI-fuku! Shaped like a COVERS, so Mako can do the eating! Mmm, and dango—the sauce kind—ohhHH, but the colors kind are so pretty! Colors IN sauce! Perfect! And okonomiyaki, and takoyaki, and taiyaki, and…"

Uzu came tearing out of his room wrapped in a blanket, screaming. "No internet! No internet!!! What happened to the internet?!?!?!"

"Whoa, pipe down you unrefined monkey," Nonon groaned from the kitchen. "Call the cable company if you care so much."

"I did. They said they were gonna take an hour and 45 minutes!"

"Who cares? What were you doing that was so import—gross! Go put on some clothes! Ugh!"

Uzu mumbled something about already wearing clothes, but went back to his bedroom dragging his blanket.

Just then, Inu emerged from his room. He unzipped his pajama collar. "I have been unable to fix the problem with the wifi. This is very odd."

"Yeah yeah," Nonon replied. "The monkey already called the cable company. They said they would be here in an hour and 45 minutes."

Inu pushed up his glasses and frowned. "Hmm, what should we do for an hour and 45 minutes?"

Nonon shrugged one shoulder and made the "I don't know" sound, watching in disinterest as Inu returned to his room.

After a beat, Mako put her arms up in the air and moved them in a semicircle. "Mako knows! Let's play 10 fingers!!"

A bead of sweat dripped from Gamagoori's forehead. "I would advise against this, but if you really want to, Mankanshoku..." he said shakily.

"It will be a great way for us to get to know each other better!" Mako said, smiling and waggling her eyebrows at each of them. Gamagoori was vibrating even more, like a giant Hitachi wand.

"Oh come on, this isn't high school anymore," said Nonon, staring at her nails.

"Speak for yourself!" said Mako, beaming.

"Leave it to Mako to be proud to still be in high school," Nonon chided, a small smile creeping onto her face in spite of herself.

Mako's eyes sparkled and she flailed a bit. At this point, Gamagoori was just holding the hairbrush above her head and sweating on it.

"Did somebody say 10 fingers?" interjected Inu, peeking out of his room. "I'll outwit you all by analyzing the," here he drawled out the word, "daaa-taaa you give me during the game." 

Uzu tripped out of his room, in clothes this time, and came to stand regally in the doorway as though he'd never done anything embarrassing, ever. "I'm bored. Let's go for it."

Nonon looked around, glanced back at her timer, and sighed. "Fine."

Everyone gathered in the lounge and made themselves comfortable.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Right! I'll start us off!" proclaimed Uzu with trademark enthusiasm. He glanced pointedly at Nonon. "I've never fucked a speaker."

Dramatic sigh. "Did you have to go for the obvious?" She flourished her hand in a mocking bow, tucking down her pinky as she did so. "Fine, fine, you got me. Anyone else?"

Everyone glanced around the circle. "No? Alright, my turn—" Nonon cut herself off as one of Gamagoori's hand-sized thumbs slowly descended.

"Eeehhhhhhh???? S-senpai?!" came Mako's incredulous voice.

"Mm," was Gamagoori's only comment.

"Yeah!! Way to go, toadman!" Uzu's enthusiastic fist punched the air with unnecessary violence. Silence fell, broken only by the clacking of keys from Inu on his laptop.

"…right, well, my turn." Nonon pursed her lips in thought. "Ah. I've never buttfucked a guy in the Kiryuuin's giant dryer on low speed." Her eyes slid slowly, deliberately over to Gamagoori and, well, sure enough, down went the mighty index finger.

Clack clack clack.

"So. It is my turn then." He closed his eyes and drew in a deep, nasal breath. "I have never, never written fanfiction of myself and Lady Satsuki."

The room groaned in unison.

"HALLLLLT!" An angelic chorus of haaaaa-le-lu-jah rang out overhead as Mako leaped to stand atop the back of the couch, arms crossed over her head. "Invalid! That's an invalid question! How can you ask that when everyone, EV-eryone, EVERYone here has written about Satsuki! No, not just we here, but anyone who's ever attended this academy! I mean, have you _seen_ those eyebrows??" Through some Mankanshoku magics, she produced a permanent marker out of thin air and in a nanosecond had drawn herself perfect Satsuki eyebrows, at which she was now pointing emphatically. "Not only that, but her posture! Her sword! Her posture WITH her sword! And those _heels!_ The rallying cry of Honnouji Academy, which Mako bellows out with all her might: Step on me, Satsuki-sa _maaaaaaa_!!"

Gamagoori, red as beet juice or a freshly spanked ass, reached down to the now-prostrate Mako and carefully pinched the nape of her uniform between index and thumb, lifting her back onto the couch. "Point conceded, Mako. I rescind my question and forfeit my turn to you."

"Mm-mm!" nodded Mako proudly, cheeks puffed with righteous victory. Coupled with the perma-inked Satsuki-eyebrows, she was a…captivating sight. "Okay! I've never done anything kinky involving…hm…" Those great brows furrowed, and smoke started coming out of her ears as her mental gears clocked into overdrive. "…tea!"

"Hmph!" remarked Uzu, throwing his head to the side dramatically.

In synch, down went a finger each from Nonon and Gamagoori.

Nonon blushed and gazed absently into the kitchen, oblivious to Mako's huge smile and starry eyes.

After watching Nonon for any response, Gamagoori took the next one. "I have never bitten an ankle during sexual activity."

Nonon snapped her head back and frowned angrily at him, lowering a finger. "What, were you spying on me, you horny toad?!"

"How ob-SCENE! I would never do anything of the sort, Jakuzure. It was purely conjecture," he said, blushing even more profusely than Nonon.

The clacking of keys stopped for a brief moment. Inu resumed typing without one of his thumbs.

Mako also lowered a thumb and she giggled, avoiding eye contact with Gamagoori.

"All right," said Nonon with a smirk, "I've never done it with raw life fibers."

Inu pushed up his glasses with his middle finger as he tucked his index finger away. Gamagoori put down his ring finger, only his pinky remaining. Mako also lowered a finger, blushed, and giggled, while Uzu snapped his fingers and muttered something about good ideas.

Inu stared straight at Nonon. "Very well." His eyes widened as he shot back, "I've never…fucked a kamui."

Nonon shot him an icy glare as she angrily lowered her ring finger.

Mako's jaw dropped, and then so did her finger. "Wow, Inu, you really are a sleuth!"

"Yeah, well!" bit off Nonon sharply. "This better not get back to Satsuki-chan! Tell her and I'll poison and dismember you! Painfully!" With an extra-pointed look at Inu, she added, " _And_ I'll burn your laptop!"

The techie recoiled in horror, clutching his precious electronics to his chest.

Gamagoori slapped a giant hand down on the couch. "Ah yes," he thundered. "It would seem we need a system of rules. Confidentiality shall not be breached." Uzu nodded sagely, murmuring something about honor, and Gamagoori turned his gaze upon the laptop user.

"Of course," Inu replied, not looking up from his screen or missing a beat in his typing. "I am familiar with discretionary protocols. Barring a direct query, this remains buried in my databases."

Gamagoori nodded. "Is that satisfactory, Jakuzure?"

"Fine, fine," she said, waving her hand like she was conducting a particularly boring orchestra. Suddenly she sat up, at full attention, and a malicious grin spread across her face. "Besides, I've never masturbated in a flea collar."

"Aw, come now, cheap shot," Inu protested. "I had lice in middle school." Nonon could not stop laughing, and Mako was catching the giggles, too. "Shut uuuup," Inu groaned.

No one noticed Gamagoori's pinky slowly tucking away.

Their laughter was cut short by Inu's counterattack. "I've never taught Satsuki rope bondage," he said slyly.

Mako gasped, and Nonon's eyes darted around the room, a snake ready to strike.

Gamagoori was sweating bullets as he carefully lowered his other thumb. "It was purely formal and upon request," he explained. "Part of operations, actually. Nothing more."

Nonon still looked like she was going to kill him.

Mako's eyes got as big as smoke detectors.

Gamagoori cleared his throat and quickly moved on. "One thing I have never done, is derived sexual pleasure from Satsuki's uniform…" He got a nervous stare from everyone in the room. "…that is, her _middle school_ uniform."

Nonon blushed and turned away as she put a finger down, successfully distracted. "I don't see why you have to ask about that," she pouted.

"Already knew that," said Inu, not bothering to look up from his screen.

Mako patted her shoulder. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, Nonon-chan!" Nonon scoffed but didn't protest. "Tell me about this uniform! I wish I could've seen it, I bet it fit Satsuki-sama perfectly!"

"Get your own fantasy, high school student!" Nonon huffed, face turning as pink as her nightie. Uzu coughed into his hand. Regaining her composure, Nonon directed a pointed look at Uzu and said, "I've never done sensation play."

"Aw, come on! That's not fair!" Uzu complained. He crossed his arms and glared.

Inu's finger went down.

So did Gamagoori's.

So did Mako's.

Inu smiled his cockiest smile and read from his notes. "I have never… _ever_ …had a FIVE-some, in the Honnouji Academy elevator, between the top floor and the basement, on a Tuesday afternoon."

"HOW DAAAARE YOU!!!!" Gamagoori thundered. "That is a BREACH of school regulations and a DEFILEMENT of the holy academy grounds!!!"

"But senpai! Weren't you there?" Mako asked, lowering a finger.

"That is irrelevant!" he boomed while tucking a finger away. "I properly disciplined myself afterward, as is required! It is still against regulations!" He stuttered to a stop as he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes, and subsided into minor grumbling and something about excusing her for it because she is Mako.

Uzu was looking back and forth between the two with wide-eyed admiration.

"Tuesday afternoon," Nonon chimed in a sing-song voice, waving a finger but not putting it down.

"Indeed," said Inu without moving.

Mako, fully recovered, now shifted left and right with excitement. "I've never done PLAY PIERCINGS!" she exclaimed.

"Huhhhh!" grunted Gamagoori as his finger went down, leaving but one remaining.

"You've done everything, eh, Gamagoori?" Nonon snarked.

"I have not!" the man protested. "For example. I have never used my Android phone for erotic purposes."

The whole room turned to look at Inu in unison. "I hate you guys."

"Ah, should've sprung for an iPhone," teased Nonon.

"That's all well and good for musicians who don't know how to use technology."

"Ohhhhhh," said Mako and Uzu in unison.

"Hah! You _would_ fuck your Android. You even find code sexy," said Nonon, sticking out her tongue and somehow still speaking with perfect enunciation.

"Is that a question," intoned Inu, leaning in her direction. "I don't believe it is _your turn!_ " He clicked away at his computer, punched the enter key, looked pointedly at Gamagoori, and simply said: "D-T-R."

Down went Gamagoori's last finger.

"EHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!" cried everyone in bewilderment.

"I shall prepare hot cocoa for us all," the toad announced as he got up and headed into the kitchen. As he disappeared from view, three heads whipped around from watching him to staring at Inu, who was wearing the most smug of faces ever to smug.

"Make mine cold!" called out Uzu, quickly recovering his priorities.

"Marshmallows?" came Gamagoori's voice.

"Oh my god, is that a question," cried Nonon in disgust. "Can you even ask that? Wouldn't you have to lose a finger?"

"I am out of the game," came Gamagoori's evasive reply. "I forfeit my turn to Mako."

"Pfft! Favoritism," muttered Nonon, a smile creeping onto her face.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hmmmm….." Mako looked around the room for inspiration, Satsuki-brows furrowed. Her eyes lit upon Uzu's full set of ten fingers, and she jumped. "I've never taken ten fingers at once!" she announced proudly. "Almost, but not quite," she added quietly with a smile.

"Welp," said Uzu, as his first finger finally went down.

"Oh my god," said Nonon, whipping out her iPhone in a desperate attempt to distract herself from the godawful mental image.

"At last, now I get to ask!" crowed Uzu. "Brace yourselves! Never have I ever…found a fan worthy of my sexual attention!"

Mako looked shocked and put down a finger. "Oh, that's a shame! I could help you select one!" The apartment was filled with a stunned silence. "There's a shop just downtown with some real sexy models!"

"Fan Emporium between Gooey Donuts and McBurger?" asked Inu.

Nonon scrutinized his fingers suspiciously, but they didn't so much as twitch.

"Anyway!" said our eternally unfazed Mako. "Uzu, you still have a lot of fingers up! Let's see… I've never been able to make a pun during sexy time. It's so difficult to concentrate on two things at once!" she said cheerfully.

Uzu stared at his fingers.

"Really?!" Nonon exclaimed, "What the hell. You, refraining from puns? The only way I'd believe that is if—wait a minute, don't tell me you—you've never had sex with another person?!?"

Uzu kept staring at his motionless fingers.

Nonon clapped both her hands over her mouth, struggling valiantly to keep from snarking him to death.

Fortunately, Mako's face quickly shifted from befuddled to joyous. "Oh, I know! You do Kendo, right? How about Kendo swords?"

A finger went down. "They're actually quite nice," he said simply.

Nonon was seriously going to demand a medal for her self-restraint after this was over.

"My turn again!" Uzu announced, leaning forward and placing a foot on the coffee table. "This one will hit its mark! I've never…done PROBE roleplay, with someone from _another planet._ "

"Just because my outfit has 'probe' in the name," Inu sighed, tucking away another finger.

"Another planet, Inu-san??" Mako marveled, to no response. The techie's glasses sparkled, and he unzipped his collar fully, locking eyes with the swordsman. It was go time.

"Never have I ever inserted an Evian bottle into my own ass."

"Guilty as charged!" said Uzu.

"Oh jeez," facepalmed Nonon, well aware of where this was going. "Get a room."

Uzu shot back: "I've never done binary roleplay! 00! 11!"

"Haven't we covered code already? And speaking of covered, never have I ever covered my dick in Vaporub." 

"I was sick! A man's dick needs to be able to breathe!" said Uzu with his hand on his chest.

"Sick is right," Nonon muttered.

"It has a certain tingling sensation," came Gamagoori's voice from the kitchen. Mako giggled even more than usual.

"Hmph!" Uzu crossed his arms. "I've never sewn my own life fiber fucktoy, nor fucked it in the sewing room!"

"That's classified," Inu stated calmly, rezipping his collar. The light reflecting on his glasses made him utterly unreadable. "Enough with this duel. Something that neither I, nor Uzu, have done, is help a woman get dressed after a sexual encounter."

Mako jumped up to full standing position on the couch cushions, shouting, "But that's one of the best _parts_!! Don't you think, Nonon?"

Nonon crossed her arms and looked away. "The women _I_ have sex with are capable of putting their clothes back on themselves."

Mako flopped back into her seat, frowned, then exclaimed, "The next one…something hardcore! I've never done urethral sounding with a toothbrush!" She gestured a toothbrush and made her other hand a urethra.

Uzu made a squeaky sound effect as he lowered a finger to rest.

"TEE EM _EYE_!" yelled Nonon at the top of her lungs. "Good god! What is wrong with you people?!"

Gamagoori stuck his head out. "This is the game that you agreed to play, Jakuzure."

"Is the hot cocoa done yet?" Nonon complained, looking at the time on her iPhone.

"Apologies," he replied, stepping into view and wiping his hands on his flowery apron. "It does take more time with hands as large as mine. However, it would be a shame to break Satsuki's fine china over a little impatience." He withdrew back into the kitchen.

"My turn again," said Uzu, teasing Nonon by making a toothbrush gesture; she gagged and covered her eyes. "I've never done it in front of a willing audience." 

A grunt echoed out from the kitchen as Mako's finger went down.

Nonon dropped her hand. "Was that _together_?"

Mako beamed as a level 4.3 cough shook the apartment, originating from the kitchen.

"Sorry I asked..!" said Nonon, eyes widening.

"Okay!" said Mako, puffing her cheeks in thought. "How about…grapes!"

"What the fuck?" said Nonon.

Uzu made a tractor noise and lowered his finger.

"What the FUCK?!" she repeated.

Uzu shrugged and stuck out his tongue. "How about masturbating with the kitchen timer? It kinda vibrates when it goes off… _doesn't it,_ Nonon?"

"Shut up! Pervert!!" Nonon yelled. "Only you would be disgusting enough to even _think_ of that! Toothbrush monkey!"

Not a single finger moved, losing Uzu his turn. "Dammit."

Mako jumped up and down. "I know! I know! I'm curious! Has anyone here cut a hole in a pillow and fucked it?!"

Uzu whistled and lowered a finger.

"Oh, how was it?" asked Mako cheerfully.

"Splendid." His face widened with a lewd smile. "However…I've never touched myself with Satsuki's stockings."

Inu coughed and lowered a finger.

Nonon turned bright red…as she put down a finger. "I washed it when I was done! I even used my fancy lingerie soap!" Nonon panicked and looked around the room. "This doesn't leave this room!! You all _know_ what I'll do to you!" Mako rubbed her arm, murmuring not to worry.

It was Inu's turn. He simply pushed up his glasses and said, "Burrito."

"You think that would embarrass me? It's useful AND delicious!" Uzu cackled, putting down a finger.

"I hate all of you," said Nonon, gagging into her hand, as Mako tilted her head in thought.

"Alright, alright, I'll take mercy on you and ask a normal question," Uzu benevolently announced. "Has anyone here put on lingerie for another person?"

Only Mako put down a finger. Nonon looked out the window, her face carefully blank.

"Hmm… I've never fucked a spoon!" Mako exclaimed.

"Mmmmmm, yes," said Uzu, putting away a finger. He crudely gestured the curves of a spoon.

Nonon almost vommed. "That better not have been from our kitchen!" she said, sticking out her tongue.

"Not to worry, Jakuzure. I have my own… _private_ …spoon," he said, leaning closer to her with each word.

"Oh, that's a good idea!" Mako chimed in. Inu stopped typing for a few seconds and hid his face while adjusting his glasses. Nonon threw a pillow at Uzu, who retreated back to his own seat and surveyed the competition.

Dramatic music started playing as Uzu and Inu stared each other down, one pinky out each.

"Well, brother… It's come to this…" began Uzu, as he stood up to monologue properly. "Now that we are neck-and-neck, I can no longer hold back and retain my honor. I must smite you down in one fell blow!"

Inu's glasses glinted, despite his remaining completely motionless.

"Never…have I, ever…" drawled Uzu, "stolen…a sock belonging, to one of the Elite Four—and!" His volume increased with each word. "Utilized it…as…A! Chewtoy! AND! Cumrag!!!!!!" 

"Da-da-dun!" exclaimed Mako, crossing her arms in front of her as a shield.

Inu slowly..bowed…his head....and closed…his laptop.

"It seems you have struck a death blow after all," he said, lowering his last and final finger. "I shall have to tend to texting encryption more carefully, I suppose."

"WRONG!" shouted Uzu. "This was nothing but a well-honed GUESS! A warrior's intuition must NEVER FALTER!!"

"Uwaaahhhh!" said Mako. "As expected of the Elite Four!"

"I sure hope this isn't representative of our reputation…" muttered Nonon, struggling not to laugh.

"Not to worry, Nonon-chan! I'm sure this information isn't public!" said Mako, grinning towards the kitchen. "All of you are very discreehhh…disc-root….ah…"

"Discreet?"

"Yes! That!"

Nonon glanced back at Uzu, with one leg up on the table and arms folded laughing in victory, and Inu, back typing away on his computer with a vengeance, a frightening gleam catching the edge of his glasses. "Really."

"OF COURSE!" came Gamagoori's voice, just before he thrust his head through the doorway. "Discretion is the better part of valor! Confidentiality and consent are crucial for constructing a consortium such as this cohort! This enables confidence in conquest and conscription of quality confidants!"

"Con con con conCON!" agreed Mako.

"What."

"NEXT!" shouted Uzu. "My blood is boiling!! My pinky is trembling with desire!!"

"I'm sure it is, you big monkey," quipped Nonon. "Everything turns you on. Bet you've fucked a fucking banana peel."

"KUH!" Sanageyama snapped his head back as though struck with a great blow. He sank to his knees, holding his last, quivering finger before him…and slowly laying it to rest.

"NO wayyyy!!" exclaimed Mako. "That's awesome!!"

Nonon upchucked in her mouth a little.

"Toadman! I need tea! Will that take another hour or is the hot chocolate ready yet?"

"As you wish, Jakuzure. The cocoa is indeed prepared." Gamagoori's looming figure squeezed through the kitchen doorway with a platter bearing marshmallowed hot chocolate for all.

Nonon relaxed a little, leaning back into her cushions. She smiled. "You've done a surprising number of things, Mako. How about…rimming?" Her eyebrows shot up with the last word.

Mako got her tongue out of the hot chocolate to answer with a cheerful, "Mm," a nod, and a finger down.

She looked at her sole remaining finger, carefully counted Nonon's three, and sat for a minute, thinking. Her eyes shot across the room and found Nonon's baton hanging by the door. "I've never used a toy on another person!" she cheered.

Nonon sat there, her mouth blank, her fingers still.

Mako's eyes were big and filled with sympathy. "That's okay Nonon, there's a first time for everything, and it's okay if you haven't yet! Or if you don't want to!!"

"It's fine, let's finish this silly game," she said, not meeting Mako's eyes. "Have you ever had someone else take off your underwear?"

"Yes! There was that one time with Ryuko and we were in the bathroom at school last year after our date and we couldn't wait to get home and we—"

"Okay okay, game over." Nonon shed her bathrobe and used it as a blanket-shield, burrowing into the couch to sulk. Mako watched her carefully.

"Hot chocolate time, Nonon-chan! And your cinnamon rolls should be done soon, right? They smell out of this world!"

Inu coughed a little, just before the timer went off.

"Gamagoori-senpai, would you mind?" asked Mako sweetly.

The genteel man did as requested. He brought out a platter of steaming cinnamon rolls, carefully selected the biggest piece, and gave it to Nonon. "For winning," he said with a bow.

"Pff, I made these," said Nonon dismissively.

"I bought the butter," commented Inu.

"I contributed spirit!" asserted Uzu, who's a loser.

"It was a team effort," said Gamagoori, fiddling with the timer. Nonon harrumphed, but emerged ever-so-slightly from her bathrobe cocoon.

The team bit into their cinnamon rolls, which were piping hot, sweet, and tasty with a perfect balance of flavors and just a little flakey. Perf.

"Your tea, Jakuzure," Gamagoori said as he handed Nonon her tea. 

"So Nonon," said Mako with her mouth full, "Have you ever tried nipple play?"

"Game's over," Nonon said flatly. "I won. What, are you a sore loser?"

"More like you're a sore winner!" taunted Uzu.

"Fruit fucker!"

"Sock sucker!"

"They were tights!"

"And I fuck vegetables too, but you don't see me complaining about specifics!"

"Oh, like that's something to be proud of, monkey man?!"

"You're dodging my question, Nonon," said Mako, her eyes sparkling. 

"Um." Nonon's whip-quick tongue came to a stammering halt and she blushed. "Are you…trying to get with me?"

"Mm-hmm," Mako nodded.

"Attagirl, Mako," Gamagoori cheered solemnly. The room fell silent save for the clacking of Inu's keyboard and the loud, fast-paced chewing of Uzu.

"…uh," said Nonon, suddenly deeply entranced by the swirls on her pastry. After a lengthy pause, she sharply bit off a piece, saying "I’m nobody's pityfuck."

"Oh, no no no no no, Nonon!" Mako's mouth was a machinegun. "Nonon, no, no NO! I've wanted to have sex with you ever since you actually talked to me that day on the bench! You're one of my first friends who's not inside my head, and you mean the world to me! The _world_! The entire world!!"

"Hallelujah," affirmed Gamagoori.

"My data confirms this," added Inu, unzipping his collar. "Elevated heart rate, pupil dilation, pathological inability to lie, and an increase in dopamine have all been consistently detected in Mankanshoku, Mako from our first conversation."

"That's the truth!" bellowed Uzu. "A warrior's sincerity is unquestionable! And my spirit knows just what a warrior Mako is!"

Nonon was stunned into silence for a minute. Recovering, she summoned her snark reserves and asked with a careful smirk, "The fuck, have you all been shipping us this entire time?"

"Yes." "Yep." "That's right." "I ship us so hard!!!!!"

With that last statement, Mako had grabbed Nonon's hand and held it to her chest, eyes shining with eager fervor. "Jakuzure, Nonon! I, Mankanshoku, Mako, do sincerely and earnestly declare: I want to fuck you!!!!"

Nonon's eyes were wider than Gamagoori's hands. She scanned Mako up and down, first quick then more leisurely, and a slow wry smile began to stretch across her face. Her eyes came to rest on Mako's icing-coated lips just as the girl's tongue flicked out to lick them clean. Well.

"Well," she said aloud, releasing the tension from her shoulders. "You're gonna have to rinse your mouth out quite thoroughly if you wanna bring it anywhere _near_ my ladybits."

The cheers were heard blocks away.

Nonon took a smug sip of her tea, delicately balanced as Mako pumped her other hand in joyous excitement, then pushed the cup towards the beaming girl. Mako used both hands, and all ten fingers, to gently take and sip from the tea. Ira, Uzu, and Inu all offered her a napkin at once, and with that Nonon began laughing her sweet, chiming laugh.

Nonon locked eyes with Gamagoori and looked pointedly at the speaker system. He obliged, pushing play on Nonon’s classical music mix. He coughed at Uzu, who held up his hands in innocent protest as though he'd never in a million years listen in, of course not (who the hell do you think he is?).

As Mako was finishing her tea, Nonon got up and offered Mako a hand. They paused for a moment to smile at each other before Nonon led her up off the couch, down the hallway, and away to her bedroom.

With that, Nonon and Mako disappeared for three hours, leaving the cinnamon rolls (and marshmallows) to their companions.


End file.
